letting go...

As I kissed Josh and Dan goodnight after watching them for 3 years a deep sadness comes over me. Nothing has really bothered me about leaving like leaving my boys. Josh started kindergarden last week. Is it possible that I've watched him since he was 3 and now he's a big 6 year old? Amy talks about how tough it is for her to let go, and I can easily identify with her. Next wednesday someone else will come over to take care of my kids, and while I know that she's fully capable, possibly more capable than I am (a UW grad student studying special ed), I still feel like they are in better care when I am with them. I remember the fall of my junior year of college when I first came over. Danny was still in a high chair and josh was just 3 years old. After one time I taught him that its NOT OK to pee in the tub. Amy called me the next day asking what I had done to teach him that, I said that I told him it was gross and it stuck for some reason. She called me her savior, I told her that that was Jesus, but I'd be happy to help Him out. Josh has forever been my easy kid. You tell him no one time and you never have to say no again. Its crazy to think that my time of being with them at least once a week is over. With tears streaming down my face I realize how following your dreams means you have to let go of the comforts, let go of home, follow blindly, knowing that the path you have laid out for you is better than the path you would have if you stayed put, because staying put is such an easy option, especially when I was accepted into the UW program and could have stayed here if I chose to. But the point is that I'm not meant for the UW right now, EWU has the better place for me... I must go, even if it means that life changes even though my dreams are becoming a reality. No body ever said it was easy, but the rewards are great, and I gladly accept the rewards, along with the challenges, the frustrations and the lessons learned.